An antidote to “My life. My death. My way.”

While considering one’s death has been central to many spiritual and cultural traditions through the ages, the modern incarnation in our individualistic, me-first society can become something of a vanity project.

“Get the funeral you want by planning it yourself” is one guidebook’s promise. (“Put the F-U-N back in funeral!”) It’s an understandable impulse at a time when institutional, commercially-directed funerals have become such a bad brand that many (my father included) don’t want to see a penny wasted on rites or ritual to mark their death.

The idea that one’s death is solely “our own” is an assertion unique, I’m pretty sure, to this time and place in the world. How might our deaths be about more than ourselves, tethered to the wheel of life, embedded in community? Read More

Six years ago, a man and his mother started a worldwide movement. The 50-country-strong Death Café community is rocked today by news of the sudden death of founder Jon Underwood.

Jon, who inspired, guided, and supported hundreds of volunteer hosts and whose work impacted untold thousands, died suddenly on Tuesday 27^th June from an undiagnosed Acute Promyelocytic Leukaemia.  He was 44.

• Join me in donating to the memorial fund created to support Jon’s wife and two young children (please note this is an international donation; you may need to notify your credit card company first to avoid triggering a security freeze)
• Read the message his wife posted on the Death Café blog.
• Read a beautiful tribute from Jon’s longtime friend
• Leave a comment or a story stating how Jon or Death Café has impacted your life on the Death Café Facebook page

As for me, I consider myself enormously privileged to have shared a number of conversations with Jon. He generously made himself available across 8 time zones to advise me as I organized the first PDX Death Café in 2013. Among Jon’s gifts were clarity of vision and focus, and humble but firm directness in communicating that vision and maintaining the focus.

I was one of the plethora of hosts who veered from the simple and effective model that defines the Death Café brand. In those heady early years, Jon patiently conveyed to me the necessity of respecting Death Café guidelines if using the name, while never discouraging other approaches to talking about death. Jon’s integrity and skillful boundary-setting, along with his extraordinary generosity, will remain touchstones for me until the end of my days.

It’s not an overstatement to say that Death Café changed the course of my life. I know many can say the same. The ripples from Jon’s life will be washing up on shores around the world for years to come. I’m deeply saddened by news of his death, and deeply grateful for the way he chose to spend his days. Read More